NTL. Not Tonight Love or Nice Tongue Lashing?

Sooo. I finally have internet in my new home London SE17. However over the last few weeks I have spent hours, maybe even days on hold to NTL . The brain washing I received whilst on hold still ringing in my ears…

Music (up lifting commercial crap)

Welcome to NTL. Your in a queue but your call is important to us.

Music

Remote control not working? Why not check the batteries.

Music

Having difficulties receiving calls? Maybe a lack of telephone is the issue.

Music

Having problems seeing a picture on your NTL television? Perhaps your eyes have popped out. Why not save your self a wait and try replacing them.

Dial tone.

And so it went on. They even had a vocal segment that said "We receive over a thousand calls each month from people experiencing problems with their telephone connections. Some of these problems can be solved by..."

A THOUSAND?!!! Presumably they're also calling the 0845 number on their mobiles as well. Now try getting the hour plus call deducted from your NTL bill.

No... I mean it... Really do.

You see, it's part of their policy that their not allowed to hang up. If they do, it gets registered on the system and they have to go through hell to explain it. Here in lies the rub;

Firstly, get them to call you back so it's free (they will if you ask them) and then...

Lay siege to them! That's what I say. They have the power to wipe your bill clean if they so wish. Even if you don'et care, pretend that you do. Lets see how much they really are prepared to sit through. I did. It's great. You can even call them names (the company that is, not just ' get bent fatty').

It's addictive once you know how to work the system. Soon enough you'll find that you have your very own whipping boy. A 24 hour free service that you can vent your world weary spleen at. The best thing is there's thousands of them. All with different rules and nuances.

Try it out with other companies. Let me know which ones are best.

Conrad