Until Still

I will walk on grass and leave no mark
No daisy turned from the sun from my foot fall
No one shall see my figure on the meadow
Barbed wire fences shall not pull at my clothes

I shall sit on my family’s stone steps
But they will long for my presence
The holly I cut will wait for my foot in it’s branch
The window will go unfixed in memory of me

The cats will go from room to room
My clothes will always be folded
Those who hate me will regret
The smell of me will fade

No door bell ring will announce me
Nor thunder frighten me
No wine will make my image clear
My mark on the seat is fading

The crop is gathered and what's left is earth
I have gone to find my own true love

NTL. Not Tonight Love or Nice Tongue Lashing?

Sooo. I finally have internet in my new home London SE17. However over the last few weeks I have spent hours, maybe even days on hold to NTL . The brain washing I received whilst on hold still ringing in my ears…

Music (up lifting commercial crap)

Welcome to NTL. Your in a queue but your call is important to us.

Music

Remote control not working? Why not check the batteries.

Music

Having difficulties receiving calls? Maybe a lack of telephone is the issue.

Music

Having problems seeing a picture on your NTL television? Perhaps your eyes have popped out. Why not save your self a wait and try replacing them.

Dial tone.

And so it went on. They even had a vocal segment that said "We receive over a thousand calls each month from people experiencing problems with their telephone connections. Some of these problems can be solved by..."

A THOUSAND?!!! Presumably they're also calling the 0845 number on their mobiles as well. Now try getting the hour plus call deducted from your NTL bill.

No... I mean it... Really do.

You see, it's part of their policy that their not allowed to hang up. If they do, it gets registered on the system and they have to go through hell to explain it. Here in lies the rub;

Firstly, get them to call you back so it's free (they will if you ask them) and then...

Lay siege to them! That's what I say. They have the power to wipe your bill clean if they so wish. Even if you don'et care, pretend that you do. Lets see how much they really are prepared to sit through. I did. It's great. You can even call them names (the company that is, not just ' get bent fatty').

It's addictive once you know how to work the system. Soon enough you'll find that you have your very own whipping boy. A 24 hour free service that you can vent your world weary spleen at. The best thing is there's thousands of them. All with different rules and nuances.

Try it out with other companies. Let me know which ones are best.

Conrad

Love Song

Sit on your pony and I'll sing you a song
But the words I'll forget
Read you my poem I've not finished yet
Tell you I'll need you in infinite ways
'Till the end of my days

We're like mice on the underground
Blissfully unaware of the life up above
But nothing can spoil our little mouse love
We'll take our lives in our hands as we dance down the rails
Chasing our tails

And I could never leave you
'Cos if I did I'd die
For I wouldn't be me

With each day that's dawning a day has to die
And still nothing gets done
But Who could be truer
Than my precious one
Carefully saving our pennies in jars
Just to waste then in bars

And as days turn to weeks
and then weeks turn to months
See how much I have grown
I'm seven years old I've had nineteen alone
You mended the life that was falling apart
On the way to your heart

And I could never leave you
'Cos if I did I'd die
For I wouldn't be me

So sit on your pony and I'll sing you a song
But the words I'll forget
Read you my poem I've not finished yet
Tell you I'll need you in infinite ways
'Till the end of my days